she walks into the empty house, only to be jumped by the many animals currently occupying the space in front of the door. they calm down quickly when the realize who it is, only to start up again. each begging for something. she drops her bag and her books, once again asking herself why she bothers with the hard classes, when it won't make a difference. she can't pay for college. she abandons them in the seldom used dining room. her mom harps on her to keep the table clean. she doesn't get it. you don't need a table when nobody eats together. she routinely holds her breath as she walks past the cat box. no matter how much she cleans it, she knows the smell won't go away. she checks the phone. 19 new messages. no doubt who they were from. her mother's phone would have more. she listens to one. some drunken ramblings on how he wants her mother back. she was even mentioned for a second. slurred words expressing the fact that she's his little girl. that he doesn't have a daughter of his own. he has five kids. one of which is a girl. she idly wonders if her father ever forgot about her. probably, though she doesn't think about it for long. it just brings to light the fact that she hasn't seen him in over 3 years. she holes herself in her room with a thick book. no one gets why she reads. she passes time until her mother gets home. 3 hours after she gets out of work. her mom immediately starts bashing her ex boyfriend. she routinely tunes it out. once again tells herself to get a recorder. she can show it to her mom when they inevitably get back together. she's tired. but she doesn't want to go to sleep. she doesn't want a new day to begin. she falls asleep. for eight hours she can be happy in a world of nightmares. even if she can't remember it in the morning. when she needs it the most.